Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
