Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I touched a dick in church today
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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