went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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