You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
