The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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