batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
