just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
