I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
