i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
