Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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