I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
