Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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