you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
