We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
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