Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
