They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
