i was rollin on her like bob the builder
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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