All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
