some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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