You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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