He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
