We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Someone stole a lamp last night.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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