Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
i think i just naturally attract stoners
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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