He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i need an iv and a liver transplant
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
