ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
