I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
