My Higher Power is John Stamos
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
