Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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