I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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