lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize