I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
