Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
