I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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