You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
