can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
It all started with a game of naked twister.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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