I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
