just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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