Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
