but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
