the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
