Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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