so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
