he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
