When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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