this beer tastes like vomit already
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
