I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
