she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
