I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
