what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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