My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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