This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
