somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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